


In My Dreams I See Your Screams

by malfoys_minx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Bottom Steve Rogers, Bucky Barnes Remembers, M/M, Magical Healing Orgasm, Mildly Dubious Consent, Not Captain America: Civil War (Movie) Compliant, POV Steve Rogers, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Top Bucky Barnes, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-19
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:01:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,142
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25994146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malfoys_minx/pseuds/malfoys_minx
Summary: "Every time I close my eyes, I see it. You. I see you screaming.""No, you..." Steve trailed off abruptly as a crazy thought occurred to him. "When did you hurt me? Where were we? In bed, like this?""Yes. Why are you not dead?"Steve almost laughed at that, though it wasn't exactly funny. "Because you weren't trying to kill me."----------The Winter Soldier comes to Steve in search of answers, Steve is only too happy to provide them.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 8
Kudos: 279





	In My Dreams I See Your Screams

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: I tagged dub-con just to be safe because Bucky is more Soldier than not and as such, he doesn't really know what sex is. He isn't doing anything he doesn't want to, but without understanding exactly what he's asking for, he isn't fully able to consent either.

Steve jerked awake to find himself pinned to the bed; a heavy weight across his abdomen and his wrists pressed hard against the mattress. Blinking his eyes open before attempting anything rash he found himself face to face with Bucky, or perhaps the Winter Soldier would be a more accurate description, if the cold stare and vicious snarl were anything to go by. 

"Who are you?" The Soldier demanded, shifting his weight where he was sitting on top of him, his legs tightening against his sides as though he thought Steve might try to buck him off. 

"I'm Steve. Steve Rogers." He rasped out, voice still thick with sleep. 

"I know you." 

"I'm your friend." 

"No." 

"I am." He insisted. "We've known each other nearly our whole lives. You're my best friend." 

"No." 

"You said it yourself, you _know_ me." Steve could hear the desperate edge to his own voice, but he couldn't seem to control it, barely biting back the need to plead with the other man until he _had_ to listen. 

"I tried to kill you." 

"That wasn't your fault." 

"I hurt you so many times." The Soldier continued as if he hadn't spoken. "I see it. Every time I close my eyes, I see it. You. I see you screaming." 

"No, you..." Steve trailed off abruptly as a crazy thought occurred to him. "When did you hurt me? Where were we?" 

"All the time. Everywhere." 

"In bed? Like this?" 

"Yes. Why are you not dead?" 

Steve almost laughed at that, though it wasn't exactly funny. "Because you weren't trying to kill me." 

"I was. That's what I do. It's all I do. All I know. You're my mission and I tried so many times. You should be dead. Why aren't you dead?" 

"No. _No_. What you remember, what you see, I wasn't screaming in pain, you weren't hurting me, that's _not_ what you do, it's what _they_ made you do." 

"I made you scream." 

"Yes, but not in pain. _Never_ in pain." 

"I don't understand." The Soldier bit out, his tone sharp with clear frustration. 

"You made me scream with _pleasure_." Steve told him. "So many times, in so many ways. Do you remember that?" 

"No." 

"I could remind you." The words were out before he could stop them, but then... 

"Ok." 

He started to ask if he was sure, only to cut himself off before the query could escape. There was something about the other man's manner now, the Soldier part of him, that seemed to see everything in black and white. If he said something, he meant it and Steve pushing for confirmation would likely only irritate him, which was the last thing he wanted to do. 

Of course, he still had to be careful, especially when the other man clearly didn't understand enough to fully consent, but perhaps if he could show Bucky this, show him what pleasure meant, it might be enough to get through to him. After all, if he remembered enough to be tormenting himself with recollections of their sex life, no matter how much they seemed to be confusing him, surely some part of his lover must still be in there, buried beneath the Soldier's programming. 

"Can I touch you?" Steve suggested, but Bucky merely glared, his grip on Steve's wrists tightening almost to the point of pain and he was quick to backtrack. "Ok, ok." 

He hesitated wondering what to try instead. 

"How about a kiss?" 

"No." The other man snapped, his jaw tensing as if he thought Steve might try to force it. 

"Then maybe you could touch me?" 

"I am." Bucky gave his wrists another squeeze, grinding the bones together until he flinched. 

"I meant nicely." He muttered, trying not to struggle against the hold despite the pain it was causing him. 

"Nicely." Bucky echoed the word back at him as if he didn't quite catch the meaning. 

"Soft. Gentle." Steve elaborated. "Touch me the way you'd touch something fragile." 

"Fragile." The other man repeated again, looking at him as though he were crazy. 

"I know I'm _not_ fragile, but... pretend?" He cocked his head to the side. "You used to think I was fragile, back when I was small. You always touched me like I was made of glass." 

Bucky seemed to consider that for a moment, his eyes flicking from Steve's face to each of his trapped hands and then back again. 

"You could hold my arms with your left hand?" He suggested, wondering if that was the problem. "Use your right to touch?" 

As if expecting the movement to spring a trap, Bucky shifted suddenly, yanking Steve's arms up above his head and pressing down hard for a moment before wrapping unyielding fingers around both wrists at once, pinning him in place. Even to him the hold felt pretty secure and he couldn't help wondering how difficult it would be to break out of. Still, he was certain he'd be able to get free if needed and in the meantime he had no intention of trying. For now, he was right where he wanted to be and it was easy enough to keep himself loose and relaxed within the other man's grasp, waiting to see what he would do next. Only with his right arm free, Bucky raised it over him in a loose fist, poised as if ready to throw a punch, and that wouldn't do at all. 

"Ok, how about you unclench your hand and put it on my chest?" 

The fist relaxed immediately and then Bucky's palm slammed into his body with enough force to knock the breath out of him. 

"Maybe a little softer than that?" He suggested with a gasp. 

The pressure lessened slightly, allowing him to breathe, but it still felt like he was being pinned to the mattress and whilst he wasn't exactly averse to that, it really wasn't what he'd been going for. 

"Softer." He encouraged. "You don't need to hold me down, remember?" He flexed his wrists just enough to make Bucky's grip tighten a little more. "Pretend, I'm fragile. Pretend you don't want to break me." 

"I don't want to break you." The other man muttered and Steve's eyes widened, though he tried not to visibly react any further to the unexpected sentiment. 

"What _do_ you want?" He asked cautiously. 

"To understand." 

Well he could work with that, he supposed. 

"This might be easier if I was wearing less..." He suggested. "You could take my shirt off?" He waited a beat before he continued, just to see what Bucky would do, but when the other man simply stared at him, he added, "You can tear it." 

At that Bucky's fingers clenched into a fist again, only this time they were tangled in the material of Steve's t-shirt and then he pulled hard. Sure enough the seams all but disintegrated under the pressure and then his top was gone, leaving his chest bared to Bucky's gaze. 

"Touch me again." Steve encouraged when the other man did nothing more than look, the torn fabric still clutched in his hand. 

The shirt was dropped onto the bed beside him and then Bucky's hand was moving back towards his body. He'd expected to be thumped in the chest again, but somewhat surprisingly, it seemed Bucky had listened and when his palm came back to rest on Steve's sternum it settled lightly over his skin. 

"Good." He breathed, fighting back a shiver at the feel of warm skin against his. "That's good." 

"Now what?" 

"Explore. Touch me. Run your hand over my body and see how it feels." 

Bucky started a little roughly, dragging his hand over Steve's chest as if he wasn't quite sure what the goal was and was simply moving because he'd been told to move. When Steve did nothing but lie there and let him, however, he seemed to settle a little, allowing his curiosity to guide his movements instead. 

When his palm slid over one of Steve's pecs brushing over his nipple, it caught his attention and he spent several minutes darting back and forth between the hardening nubs, poking and prodding, even pulling a little, apparently fascinated by the way they responded to his touch. For his part, Steve wasn't sure whether to be relieved or not that his nipples had never been particularly sensitive, though he supposed it at least helped a little in his efforts to remain still beneath the other man's hands. 

It took longer than he'd expected for Bucky to lose interest, but eventually he stopped abusing Steve's pecs in favour of continuing to make his way slowly down his torso. When the duvet inevitably got in the way of his exploration, Bucky shifted his weight, shoving the sheets down far enough to expose Steve's abs before resettling himself, only to suddenly freeze, his whole body going tense. 

"What is that?" Bucky demanded. 

"What's what?" He asked as carefully as he could, trying not to look as bewildered as he felt. 

" _That_." The other man snarled, shifting again until his ass brushed over the hard ridge of the erection Steve hadn't had a hope in hell of controlling. 

"Oh!" His eyes went wide. 

Suddenly there was a knife in Bucky's hand, pressing hard against the skin of Steve's throat. "What are you hiding?" 

"That's not... It's not a weapon." Fucking hell, he really hoped they'd be able to laugh about this one day. "It's just me, my dick. It's hard because of you, _for_ you, because what you're doing feels good." He sucked in a breath. "Do you want to see?" 

From Bucky's expression, it was clear that he thought it was a trap, but there was something in his eyes, confusion certainly, but curiosity too, perhaps, and after a lengthy pause it was that which seemed to win out. 

"Don't move your arms." The other man ordered, giving Steve's wrists a tight squeeze that had him hissing with pain. "Move your arms and I'll kill you." 

"I won't move them." He promised, twisting within Bucky's loosened hold to wrap his fingers firmly around his own forearms. "See? I'll stay just like this." 

Bucky didn't look convinced, but whether he simply needed to know what weapon he thought Steve was packing, or if he actually believed what Steve had told him, he released him and climbed off the bed, the knife still clutched in his hand. For a moment longer, Bucky simply watched him, as if he were waiting for him to make a move, but when he did nothing but lie there, his breathing even and arms locked together above his head, Bucky made a hasty grab for the duvet. 

Beneath the sheets Steve had only been wearing a thin pair of boxers and he was oddly relieved that they left very little to the imagination. Still, he supposed that if Bucky didn't even remember what an erection was, Steve's dick might look a little more threatening to him than it would to anyone else. 

"You can tear those too." He suggested cautiously, only to nearly swallow his own tongue when this time Bucky opted to use the knife to divest Steve of his underwear. 

To his immense relief, however, the sharp blade never so much as brushed his skin and a moment later, he lay in a pool of shredded fabric, unharmed and completely bared to the other man's gaze. 

"You can touch it if you want." He offered, before hastily adding. "But be gentle, it's very sensitive." 

Nodding sharply, Bucky switched the knife to his left hand before reaching out tentatively with his right, running the tip of his index finger down the length of Steve's erection. At the first hint of contact it was everything he could do to hold still and he nearly bit through his tongue trying not to cry out, but holy fuck, it had been so long since he'd been touched like this, so _very_ long since _Bucky_ had touched him like this. 

He was so focused on the slow sweep of fingers, first one, then two, curiously exploring his aching cock, that he startled a little when Bucky's metal hand landed heavily on his hip. He hadn't even noticed the other man moving, had no idea what had happened to the knife he'd been clutching only a moment ago, but before he could give it any further thought Bucky was climbing back onto the bed, straddling his legs and pressing him down into the mattress. 

A sharp glance at his arms, a second's hesitation and a gruff "Don't move" had Steve tensing even more, forcing his body to remain as still as possible, even as Bucky's fingers continued to stroke maddeningly over his sensitive flesh, but nothing in the world could have prepared him from what the other man did next. With an almost calculating glance, he added just a little more pressure to Steve's hip, pinning him firmly in place, before ducking down and licking a wide stripe up the length of his dick. 

To his credit, he managed not to move, though Bucky's unrelenting hold on him certainly helped. Still, Steve's nails dug so sharply into his own skin that he was almost sure he'd drawn blood and there was nothing he could do to muffle his sharp intake of air at the feel of his friend's hot, wet tongue sliding over him for the first time in years. 

"Don't move." Bucky repeated with a growl, gripping Steve's hips with both hands now, even as he licked at him again, slower this time, laving at the tip in a way that Steve was sure could only be muscle memory because it was _exactly_ the way he liked it. 

It probably shouldn't have been a surprise when Bucky continued along the path he'd already set out on, following his tongue with his lips and wrapping them gently around Steve's cockhead, but it was nearly enough to undo him. As Bucky slid down further, sucking him deeper and swallowing around him, it took every bit of his control to keep himself from thrusting up into the deliciously wet heat of the other man's mouth. 

Bucky had liked that once, liked the way he could render Steve damn near helpless with a few well placed licks and only urged him on until he was all but fucking his lover's mouth, but this wasn't Bucky, not really, and he didn't dare try something so aggressive now. Instead, he merely forced himself to stay still, watching as the other man drew back again to continue his exploration with his lips and tongue, before swallowing him down once more, his mouth stretched wide around Steve's length. 

As the seconds ticked by, he found himself increasingly unable to handle the visual stimulation on top of the physical, and ultimately he had to let his head fall back against the pillow, nearly biting his lip in half in an effort not to cry out Bucky's name. Only he was so close now, clinging to the last of his control with the very tips of his fingers, that he knew he would have to stop the other man before it was too late, no matter how much it might kill him. 

"I'm close." He warned breathlessly, his voice breaking on a gasp as Bucky made an incomprehensible sound in response, the vibrations of it shuddering over Steve's nerve endings like a caress. "I'm gonna come." He added a little desperately now. "You gotta stop or I-" 

This time the growl was far more pronounced and whether Bucky didn't understand what Steve was warning him about or had simply chosen to ignore him, he didn't stop, didn't even let up and it was too much for him to resist. With a cut-off moan, Steve came, spilling into Bucky's mouth only for the other man to immediately jerk away, staring down at him with wide eyes as he helplessly finished over his own abdomen instead, streaking his skin with ribbons of white as he shuddered through the last of his orgasm untouched. 

As Steve settled again, trying to calm his racing heart and catch his breath, he never once took his gaze off of Bucky, watching him carefully for his reaction. He'd obviously been startled, but he didn't appear to have taken Steve's lack of control as an attack, even if he didn't quite seem to know what had happened. When he licked his lips however, before swallowing roughly, Steve couldn't help the way his heart rate kicked up again, realising that what little the other man had caught in his mouth before he'd pulled off hadn't been enough to frighten him away. 

"I want..." Bucky bit out after an extended moment of silence, his tongue darting over his lips again as he stared down at the mess on Steve's chest. 

"What?" He prompted gently. "What do you want?" 

"I want to be in you." The other man declared, though he looked like he didn't fully understand what he was asking, as if the words were coming from a place beyond conscious thought. 

"Do you remember how?" 

Bucky shook his head once and Steve hesitated, wondering if he shouldn't stop things before they could go even further than they already had, only before he could make his mind up, the other man spoke up, his expression determined as he ordered; "Show me." 

"We need lubricant, from the drawer." He said before he could stop himself, nodding towards it, knowing better than to reach for it himself. 

Bucky hesitated, glancing at his hands once again as if he really thought that after all this time Steve might still choose to fight him off, before going for the nightstand. 

"The plastic bottle." Steve elaborated as the drawer slid open and a second later Bucky was back, the lube clutched in his right hand. 

"What do I do with it?" 

"I'm going to move my legs first, ok? Let you see what you're doing." 

The other man frowned at that and suddenly the knife was back in his hand, but Steve didn't flinch, just watched and waited until finally Bucky nodded at him. Still, he moved slowly, spreading his legs further apart as he pulled his knees up, planting his feet on the bed either side of where Bucky was perched. 

"Pour a little on a few of your fingers." Steve guided, breathing a sigh of relief when the knife disappeared back into the other man's boot. 

He wasn't really sure how he expected Bucky to proceed and he found himself waiting with bated breath as the other man stared down at both his hands, his face twisted slightly with indecision. When he chose his right, however, Steve decided that could only be a good sign. Of course, Bucky had always been right handed and perhaps there was an element of muscle memory to this too, but he'd seen the Soldier enough to know that he favoured his left now. Either way, the capacity for pain was significantly decreased with the use of his right hand and Steve was more than a little reassured by the thought. Not that he wasn't a little curious about how the metal might feel, but... He was probably putting himself at enough risk already. If Bucky had been in his right mind, he'd have been reading Steve the riot act for everything he'd allowed so far. 

"Now you need to stretch me open." He encouraged, once Bucky had followed his instructions, slicking up three fingers with what Steve was relieved to see was probably too much lube rather than too little. "But gently, ok? Doesn't matter how strong I am, it'll hurt if you go too fast." 

He wasn't sure whether the warning would help or hinder, but when Bucky continued to falter, he figured at least he didn't _want_ to hurt. 

"Use one finger to begin with." He added when the other man still didn't move. "Get it nice and wet, then push it inside me, slow and gentle." 

Bucky didn't quite seem convinced, but he moved to touch him anyway, pressing the pad of one finger carefully against Steve's entrance, before glancing up at his face. 

"Go on, it's ok." He encouraged quietly, weirdly touched by the other man's hesitancy. 

"I don't-" Bucky started, before cutting himself off with a frown. 

"You don't have to." Steve jumped in immediately. "We don't gotta do anything you don't want to." 

"I want to." Bucky scowled, pressing just a fraction harder against Steve's hole, though nowhere near hard enough to breach him. 

"Then you can." He promised amiably, not quite sure what else to say. 

Bucky nodded, but he still didn't move, his eyes darting between Steve's face and his ass as if unsure where he wanted to be looking and yet he still didn't try anything further. 

After what must have been several minutes of stillness, Steve was nearing his wits end. The teasing contact was driving him to distraction and it was almost entirely unconscious when he shifted slightly, trying to urge Bucky on with his body where his words had failed. Only as soon as he moved, the other man jerked back, yanking his hand from Steve's skin, though his eyes never left him. 

"I'm sorry." Steve apologised immediately. "I won't move again, I promise." 

Bucky shook his head at that, his frown deepening as he tried again; "I don't..." He swallowed hard, tentatively pressing his finger back against the pucker between Steve's cheeks before finally finishing; "I don't want to hurt you." 

_Oh_. It was Steve's turn to swallow hard at that, desperately fighting to control his emotions and stop the sudden flood of moisture in his eyes from spilling onto his cheeks. 

"You won't." He managed after a second. "As long as you take it slow, you won't hurt me, I promise." 

The other man didn't look entirely appeased, but nonetheless, his touch became a little more confident, stroking his fingertip in tight little circles over Steve's hole. It was more than enough to send a thrill of pleasure shivering down his spine, but he fought against his own inevitable reaction to the intimate caress, focussing instead on Bucky's face, on his almost enraptured expression as he watched the slow movement of his own hand, teasing at that tight little pucker with increasing pressure until finally it was enough to breach him. 

"Oh!" Bucky gasped, looking startled when the tip of his finger slipped easily into him and he could only imagine how that must look, how it must _feel_ , the tight heat of his body squeezing around the other man's digit. 

"Mmm, that's good." He reassured him, forcing his hips to stay where they were rather than arching up in an effort to pull Bucky's finger deeper. "You can press a little bit harder now..." 

Bucky glanced up once, as if to check he wasn't lying, before returning his attention to Steve's ass, looking resolute as he dutifully pushed in a little further. 

Steve didn't say anything else for a while, not wanting to rush him and more than a little curious to see what Bucky would do without any further guidance. He was rewarded for his patience with the slow but steady press of the other man's finger until it was as deep inside him as it could go. Once there, however, he didn't seem to be in any hurry to move and as the minutes ticked by, Steve's resolve was sorely tested. He was right on the verge of saying something, _anything_ , when Bucky finally spoke up. 

"What now?" 

"You can move." Steve suggested with a silent sigh of relief. "Pull your finger a little way out, then push it back in again, play a little, get me used to the feel of you moving inside me." 

"It won't hurt?" The other man confirmed and Steve nodded, his voice only a little choked as he repeated the sentiment back. 

"No, it won't hurt." He shivered as Bucky cautiously began to follow his instructions, quickly adding a little more reassurance so the other man wouldn't misunderstand his response. "It feels real good." 

Bucky seemed to take his word for it, continuing to slowly work his finger in and out until Steve couldn't help but demand more. 

"You can add another finger now." He encouraged just a little breathlessly. "Stretch me a bit more, help me get ready for you." 

Somewhat to his surprise, Bucky didn't even hesitate this time, drawing his finger back before carefully pushing in again, this time with two of his deliciously thick fingers pressed tightly together. He continued to take it slow, but not overly so, giving Steve time to get used to the stretch without driving him crazy by being over-cautious. In fact, the longer it went on, the more confident he seemed to become. Whether it stemmed from actual memory or simply the fact that he'd been able to carry out Steve's orders correctly, he couldn't say and wasn't sure he wanted to know anyway, but at least Bucky seemed a little more settled now. 

With that in mind, he didn't leave it so long this time before urging him into adding a third finger, suddenly finding himself struggling to keep his breathing steady and his hips in place. The serum had left him with a stupidly short refractory period and he'd been growing steadily harder with each minute that passed. By the time Bucky had three fingers buried in him, fucking into his hole hard and fast, it took every last scrap of his self control to keep himself in check. In fact, it was only his deep concern for the other man that stopped him from simply demanding that Bucky fuck him right fucking now and to hell with the consequences. 

Only there would be consequences, bad ones, if he took things too fast now. Bucky needed to be eased into this just as he'd been eased into everything else and Steve would be damned if he'd let all that hard work go to hell now. For one thing, when Bucky had first asked for sex, he hadn't known for certain if the other man would even be capable of it, let alone how he would handle feeling any sort of physical pleasure. After all the horrors that had been done to him over the past seventy odd years, Steve couldn't imagine there had been space in his life for anything that felt good and he knew how overwhelming it was likely to be. 

Still, to his immense relief, his initial fear that Bucky might not even be able to get it up any more turned out to be unfounded. He honestly didn't know what he would have done if that had been the case, but as first one, then two and finally three fingers were carefully pressed into Steve's body, he could hardly fail to notice the growing bulge in the other man's pants, nor the way he began to shift in increasingly obvious discomfort the longer things continued. Finally, when it became more than clear that Bucky would do nothing about his own condition without guidance, Steve had to speak up. 

"Do you want to open your pants?" He suggested carefully, watching as Bucky's face twisted in confusion, his eyes shifting from Steve's ass, to his face, then finally down to his own crotch. 

He paused like that for a moment, staring at himself as though he wasn't quite sure what he was seeing, before hesitantly reaching down with the hand not half buried in Steve and popping open the button. At even that small release of pressure, he seemed to almost sigh in relief and a second later he'd pulled down the zipper too, shoving at both pants and underwear until his cock sprung free, standing thick and dripping against his abdomen. 

At the sight of himself, hard and proud between his thighs, Bucky seemed utterly bewildered, as if he hadn't even known that was something his body could do. Of course Steve shouldn't have been surprised, not when Bucky had been so perturbed by Steve's own erection, but somehow that didn't make it any easier to process now. It certainly didn't ease his heartache any when the other man followed his gaze with the touch of one metal fingertip, only to hiss at the sensation, yanking his hand back like he'd been burned. Except it was still _Bucky_ in there and somewhere, deep down, he was still that same strong, determined man, braver than any Steve had ever met. He could almost see the way he squared his shoulders before trying again, slowly rubbing over the head before sliding his fingers down to curl delicately around the shaft, exploring his own body for what, to him, must have felt like the very first time. 

He looked so enthralled, in fact, that Steve began to suspect Bucky had forgotten about him completely, despite still having three fingers shoved up his ass. It was only natural, he supposed, and he found himself fighting even harder to stay still, to give him however much time he needed. He didn't know how much time passed that way, but eventually he must have twitched or breathed too hard or something, because all of a sudden the other man looked up, his eyes narrowing in on the place where his fingers remained buried unmoving within Steve's body. 

It was even harder to keep from reacting with Bucky's attention firmly back on him and he honestly didn't know if he'd done something to provoke him or if the impetus came solely from Bucky when suddenly the other man moved. Pulling his fingers almost all the way out, far more roughly than he'd have dared to do earlier, Bucky hesitated for barely a second before abruptly shoving back in with just as much force, dragging a huff of air from Steve's lungs in the process. 

Bucky repeated the movement a couple more times after that, seeming to grow a little more in confidence with each thrust of his digits, until finally he slowed, appearing to come to some sort of decision. 

"I want to put it in you." Bucky stated, giving his cock a stroke, as if to illustrate what 'it' was. 

"Ok." He agreed immediately, heart beginning to race with reckless abandon as he pointedly spread his legs a bit further in invitation. 

Bucky's eyes went a little wide at that, as if he hadn't expected to be told yes, but before Steve could offer any additional reassurance, the other man was moving, oh-so-carefully withdrawing his fingers before shifting forward a little, his knees pushing beneath Steve's open thighs. 

He had already opened his mouth to suggest that Bucky add more lube, when the other man took hold of himself with his right hand, slicking up his cock with what remained on his fingers. When he seemed to deem that insufficient, he reached for the bottle again, pouring a little more over the head of his erection and carefully spreading it over his length, taking obvious care not to miss any of it. 

"I'll be gentle." Bucky promised when he was done, his eyes flitting back and forth between his erection and Steve's hole. "I won't hurt you." 

"I know you won't." 

Bucky nodded once, as if steeling himself, then moved forward, planting his left hand on the bed by Steve's ribs to support his weight and using his right to line himself up. 

True to his word, he took it slow and careful, not even pushing hard enough to penetrate at first, yet seemingly completely entranced by the sight of his cockhead teasing at the loosened muscle of Steve's entrance. When he finally did breach him, it was with a startled hiss and a shudder so violent that it nearly knocked him off balance, but he persisted, driving himself slowly forward until he was buried to the hilt in Steve's body. 

With everything that Bucky had been dealing with, Steve had been so focused on his friend that he'd mostly managed to push his own desires to the back of his mind. Now, however, with the other man thick and hot inside him for the first time in so very many years, his own needs were suddenly back with a vengeance, tearing at his self control until he was just barely hanging on. He tried to stay focused, concentrating on keeping his body open and relaxed, his hands locked in place above his head and his hips pressed to the mattress, but fuck it was hard. He wanted to let go so badly, to just let himself feel how fucking perfect this was, but he didn't dare. Not when Bucky so clearly needed to be in control, and if the other man wasn't ready to move yet, then Steve would respect that even if it damn near killed him. 

Perhaps the hardest part however, wasn't so much the stillness as the way his arms and legs may as well have been bound to the bed for all the use they were to him. After all, once upon a time, Steve had needed a little longer to recover after Bucky first pushed into him. Time to catch his breath and get used to the stretch and in a way this was almost familiar, only then they had spent that time clinging to each other, his arms and legs tight around Bucky's body as the other man pressed kisses into his skin and he missed that so fucking bad right now. What he wouldn't give to pull Bucky close, to envelop him in his embrace, but he couldn't, didn't dare, not when it would only serve to make him feel trapped, except... 

"Hold me." Bucky demanded suddenly, his voice already sounding a little rough around the edges. 

"Wha-?" He started to ask, because surely the other man hadn't meant... 

"Your arms. Put your arms around me." Bucky commanded, expression turning fierce, though his hips didn't so much as twitch. 

It wasn't until Steve released his wrists that he realised how hard he'd been holding on and his arms twinged painfully as he carefully raised them to circle Bucky's torso. He was still half expecting the other man to panic at the contact, but if anything he only seemed to settle beneath the gentle weight on his back and, encouraged, Steve risked being a little bolder. Pressing one hand against the curve of Bucky's spine, he splayed the fingers of the other between his shoulder blades before cautiously sliding upwards to rest carefully at the base of his neck, thumb just barely brushing at the bare skin above the collar of his jacket. 

At even that light touch, Bucky shuddered, but to Steve's immense relief, not only did he allow the contact, he also seemed to take it as a sign to start moving. It wasn't much, his first thrust barely even a thrust, only pulling out an inch or so before pushing back in again, but at this point Steve was willing to take whatever he could get. The second and third thrusts were much the same and maddeningly slow to boot, but Bucky seemed to be watching Steve exceedingly carefully and perhaps he found whatever it was he was looking for, because thrust four, though just as unhurried, at least seemed to have some power behind it. 

"I'm not hurting you?" Bucky checked immediately, freezing in place again as if scared that his tiniest lapse in control had taken him too far. 

"Not at all." He promised, trying to school his expression into something encouraging, terrified that Bucky might see the heartache in his eyes and mistake it for an expression of physical discomfort. "You feel real good. It's ok if you want to move more, it won't hurt." 

Bucky swallowed roughly, then tried another thrust. "Doesn't hurt?" 

"Doesn't hurt." He echoed. "Keep going." 

A nod and then Bucky rocked his hips again, still slow, but harder now, pulling out a little further each time, until finally he began to get into it, driving himself into Steve with increasing abandon until suddenly he shifted just a little, his angle changing just enough to hit Steve's prostate head on and he couldn't help it. All his tightly held self-control crumbled into pieces as he keened helplessly, head falling back against the pillows with a wordless cry. And sure it wasn't the first time he'd reacted that way, after all, Bucky had already made him come once, but the other man had been otherwise occupied then. Now he was staring right at Steve's face and at his reaction Bucky immediately stopped dead. 

"What's wro-?" He started, a little panicked at the sudden stillness. 

"This." Bucky interrupted before he could even finish asking, voice rough and shaky. "This is what we did, what I remember." 

Steve could only nod, his throat too tight for words. 

"You like it." The other man insisted. 

"Yeah, I like it a whole lot, Buck." He half whispered. 

"You always liked it, all those times before. I wasn't hurting you. I wasn't trying to kill you." 

"No." Steve managed to get out, desperately choking back a sob. "No, you weren't." 

"I want you to do it again." Bucky demanded. "I want you to scream for me. Because you like it." 

"Then _move_." He begged. "Please, I need you t-" 

Bucky suddenly thrust _hard_ and Steve's whole body arched helplessly into it. 

" _Fuck_!" 

"Yeah." Bucky told him, repeating the movement. "Like that. Just like that." 

At the sound of the other man's words, it felt almost as if a dam had broken inside him and all the things he'd been desperately holding back spilled out of him in a flood. As Bucky started up a real rhythm this time, fast and hard, driving into him the way he'd always loved best, the only thing Steve could do was hang on for dear life. It shouldn't have been possible for him to come again so soon, even with his serum-improved stamina, but the feel of Bucky inside him, the sheer relief at no longer having to hold himself back, had more of an effect on him than he could ever have predicted. Sure enough, he found himself rock hard and leaking once more, his cock trapped between their bodies as Bucky dragged cries and gasps and ' _yes, fuck, yes_ ' from between his lips with every thrust. 

He almost didn't want to come yet, didn't want it to be over, but he was too close and Bucky was chasing his own orgasm now too. The man in his arms may have been a very different one to the person Steve had first fallen in love with all those years ago, but his tells hadn't changed. The creased brow, the stuttering breaths, the sharp little jerks of his hips... Bucky was close and suddenly even that achingly familiar sight was too much for Steve to handle. With a keening moan, Bucky sent him soaring, spilling between them as he gasped through his orgasm, fighting to keep his eyes open so as not to miss the inevitable moment when Bucky followed him over the precipice. 

"Steve!" The shocked gasp was the last thing he expected to hear and his cock spit out another little stream even as Bucky's whole body arched with the intensity of his release. It seemed to go on and on, his body trembling violently as he gasped his way through it, eyes clenched shut and face screwed up tight in a pleasure so intense that it almost seemed to verge on pain, before he finally collapsed in a boneless heap on Steve's chest. 

More than a little stunned, not to mention worried that Bucky might have actually passed out in the aftermath of such an intense orgasm, Steve lay still for several long seconds, wondering what to do. If the other man _did_ lose consciousness, he dreaded to think what his headspace would be like when he woke up again. Would he remember what had happened? Would he remember Steve at all? Or would he be a threat again? He could barely even bring himself to think about it and when he felt Bucky stir against him a moment later, his relief was so great it was almost palpable. 

"You ok?" He asked carefully, rubbing his thumb in what he hoped were soothing circles against the soft skin of Bucky's neck. 

"Steve." The other man murmured by way of an answer. "Stevie." 

"Bucky...?" He tried, barely even daring to hope though no one else had ever, _ever_ called him that, not even his Ma. 

" _My Stevie_." Came the response followed by a soft kiss pressed against his throat and then the other man lifted his head and it was _Bucky_ looking down at him. _His_ Bucky. 

Suddenly it was all too much and with a harsh sob, the tears that he'd been holding back for far too long finally spilled over. 

"Oh G-d, _Bucky_." He whimpered, tightening his arms until he was nearly crushing the other man against his chest, only he couldn't seem to help himself. 

"Shh, Stevie, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." 

"Got nothing to apologise for." He managed, swallowing down another wave of tears even as he buried his face in the other man's hair. "None of this is your fault, Buck, _none_ of it. I just... Just missed you, is all. Missed you so much." 

"I'm here now." Bucky promised. "I'm here." 

"Love you, Buck." He murmured back, the words half muffled as he began pressing kisses against every part of the other man that he could reach. "Love you so damn much." 

"Love you too, Stevie." 

Bucky's hand settled against his jaw then, holding him in place as he brushed a chaste little kiss over Steve's lips, before pulling back far enough for their eyes to meet. It made him feel lost and found all at once and it was no wonder that he lost track of time after that as they lay wrapped up in each other, trading soft kisses and heated looks. In fact, he lost track of damn near everything, his whole world filtering down to the beat of Bucky's heart, the taste of his lips and the gentle puff of his breath across his face. He had everything he'd ever wanted right here in his arms and he was never letting go ever again. 

"Thank you for bringing me back." Bucky murmured, finally breaking through the silence some indefinite amount of time later, his expression earnest as he smiled softly down at him. 

Steve could only shake his head, fingers brushing Bucky's face in near speechless awe. "No, thank _you_. For finding your way home to me." 

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Steve knows he's clean and incapable of catching anything Bucky might have, ergo he also knows it's 100% safe for them to have sex without a condom. If you are not a genetically enhanced supersoldier, please remember to be safe.


End file.
